Be Clear Don't Settle

Hello Ladies and Gents,

That’s right there are a few guys that have told me that they’ve  checked out my blog, and want to follow my posts in the future. Whoop, Whoop! 

It's been a little while, but this post has been in the works. The other day while talking with a friend the topic of settling came up. I told her settling was a topic that I had planned to address, because I see it happen often. Settling is  also something that I am more familiar with than I’d like to admit. I’ve been in those instances where I felt as though I could be dating, or doing something better with my life.  Maybe you’re settling and you don’t even know it. No worries! I’m here to help you figure it out, and it is really quite easy.

How To Tell If You Are Settling

Pay close attention or you might miss it… if you’ve ever had to ask yourself “Am I settling?” Then you are.  There is no question about it. When we ask ourselves these type of questions we already know the answer. We know the truth, but we don’t want to accept the truth. What we really want to do is justify the excuses that we’ve made as to why we’re not settling. Settling means that you are accepting less than you deserve, or expect in your relationship. Here are some of the excuses we start to make: he’s trying, he’s got potential, if he would just do this or that differently, maybe I can convince him to… and the list goes on. These are things that I know you’ve told yourself because I’ve said some of these things to myself. Girl, Wake Up! Don’t waste your time. This topic leads me into a story…

Once upon a time I dated a guy. In the beginning everything was going great. I felt as though we equally brought different things to the proverbial table. After dating for a while we started to discuss marriage, and starting a family. I was excited to engage in these types of conversations with him, but at the same time I started to notice that he was becoming slack in the relationship. We would talk about goals, or future plans and he didn’t have much insight to offer. I started to question our relationship. I couldn’t see him as my husband, or as the father of the children I would one day birth. I was busy working towards my next goal, while I felt he was okay remaining stagnant.  I wanted to know what happened to the man that I started dating. This man had a lot going for himself. He was X-years old, he didn’t have any children (which interested me because I also don’t have any),  and he had X amount of degrees. He had so much potential to accomplish great things. I have to be honest, potential was all he had, because he lacked drive. I was settling for less than my best. I deserved so much more. Eventually,  I became bored in the relationship. I was tired of encouraging him to get out and get  what I felt was well within his grasp. It didn't make any difference that I believed in him, because he didn't believe in himself. We ended the relationship shortly after. It hurt, but I was relieved. Here’s the thing, I never want to imagine the should haves, could haves, or would haves. I want what’s rightfully mine. You deserve to have what is rightfully yours.

How to Ensure You Get What You Deserve

1. Have expectations. You should know what you want to get out of the relationship. Be clear with your intentions.
2. Express those expectations early on with your partner. Make sure your partner knows what you expect so there are no surprises. If they do not meet your standards this is the time to figure that out. There is no sense in wasting your time.
3. Put a time limit on your goals as a couple. Put a date on it! Once a date is set for your goals, ask yourself  “Are you and your partner working diligently to accomplish said goals together?” If not, don’t settle for the excuses.
4. Communicate. We all know that communication is a huge factor in any relationship. Don’t be scared to communicate your true feelings. I know it might seem harsh, but putting your partner on the spot will either encourage them to step up, or cause them to fall back.
5. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Being alone is okay. When you are rushing from one man to the next you are not 100% sure of what you’re getting yourself into until it is too late.

Walking away will be hard, but it will be worth it. Trust. There is someone out there that knows your worth, and will stop at nothing to show you how important you are.

J.