Options!

Hey y'all!!

I’ve been gone for a little while. My apologies. I went home for the summer and must admit I really enjoyed myself. My thirtieth birthday is quickly approaching. (It passed already lol) See I have been thinking about y’all. I threw myself a “Flirty Thirty” birthday party while I was home, and planning it consumed a lot of my time, BUT it was amazing and I couldn’t have asked for a better time stateside. This blog entry has been in the works for a while. Everyone knows that I am an advocate for dating yourself. I am also the type of person that does not cut off other prospective relationships  because I am dating someone. Side note: I call it dating, however, you might have your own special term, but for me the part where you are getting to know someone is called dating. I fully believe that it is okay to date, “talk to”, or hang out with more than one person at a time. I have friends that think otherwise. I know women who completely cut off everyone that is interested, or trying to get to know them once they’ve started to date someone because they don’t feel right dating more than one person. Dating does not constitute a relationship. Dating or “talking to”  someone does not mean that you are completely off the market. Don’t get me wrong dating is some form of commitment, how else do you get to learn someone without being committed to doing so? Girl, Wake Up! Until you and the person you are dating have made it official, you’re officially single. I have a story…

I have a girlfriend that was dating a guy. They were hanging out, going on dates, spending the weekend, and you guessed it sleeping together. They both seemed to be having a good time shooting the breeze. They weren’t officially dating it was something like a situationship. Well seeing as how her and I are close friends, mutual friends started to see this guy with other women. Yep, womEn! No one wanted to go to my friend, but people started to ask me questions and tell me they saw him with “Trina” or “Reese”. Asking me isn’t he talking to my friend...I’ll call her “Laura.” Well one day something told me to ask “Laura”, “what  are you and “John” doing?, “Are you two exclusively dating one another?” Laura’s response to me was “They are still getting to know one another and they’re both single.” Her response made me feel better about the phone calls and messages I had been receiving. Her response to me made me feel better, but I could tell that she was falling for him. The issue was she was only dating him, while he was dating and sewing his royal oats any and everywhere. Laura is one of my friends that does not believe in dating more than one person at a time, and because of this when everything about John got back to her. Shit hit the fan! She was highly upset and heartbroken.  Morale of the story: Girl, Wake Up! And keep your options open. I read a meme the other day it said : Ladies, if the man ain’t your man, please keep actively dating. I couldn’t agree more.
Nothing is official until it has been officially decided by both parties. I refuse to get hung up on someone, or be a part of something that in actuality turns out to be nothing.

Understanding Dating

Dating does not have anything to do with sex!! I repeat, just because you are deciding to date someone does not mean you have to give up your cookie, unless you want to… in that case---Do you boo! I think this is the part that trips a lot of women up.  Some individuals believe that you cannot have one without the other and that is part of the problem. You have got to understand that you are sitting on a gold mine! Everyone you set out to date is not deserving of all of you! You do not have to bed every man you date. No one exclusively has rights to you and vice versa.  Your dating rules and terms should be clearly defined and stated in the beginning so there is no room for misunderstandings, or hurt feelings later. Dating is a job, only the most qualified candidate for the position should be hired to take a position within in your heart. I don’t feel bad about dating more than one person at a time and here’s why: The dating phase is for taking the time to familiarize yourself with another person. This is a test, and guess what people fail.

My Dating Tips

• Before I go anywhere with someone we need to have several conversations. I need to feel comfortable enough to meet you. Again, be mindful people are not always who they say they are.
• The first “date” is always a public setting or group outing. I’m probably bringing my girl and her man. Chances are they introduced us, because my friends think they’re matchmakers. If I’m going to attempt to take you serious we have to build a friendship first and what better way to build a friendship than in a friendly environment? Wherever or however you meet make sure you’re comfortable.
• Be clear with your intentions, and ask direct questions so there are no misunderstandings or hurt feelings later. Follow your instincts, again people are not always who they claim to be.
• Have Fun! Getting to know someone can be fun.

Love  ya’ll

J.